PIRATE MONKEY ZOMBIES

Holy shit. Has it really been over a year since anyone posted anything here?

I can only assume that the only people who might possibly be reading this are from the old crowd. Drop me a line sometime.

I miss you guys.

FOM SARAH:

I got a B-Movie facelift on my other blog. If you guys are bored, go check it out. The ones of you that are here for the "Zombie" part of the PIRATE MONKEY ZOMBIES might appreciate it.

I know. It's not very interesting, but somebody had to say something. I didn't want you guys to think we were all dead. Or did I? (insert evil laugh here).

FROM SARAH:

If you came here from THE WICKED TRUTH you have already heard the bad news. Hand (that is MISTER Hand to you) and Meatbag have been blocked from posting OR commenting from their place of business.

Mister Hand has assured me that they will try to be more active from home. (I know that sounded kind of dirty, but I didn't mean it that way).

From Meatbag:

How did the movie Dreamcatcher turn out so horrible?

The book wasn't Stephen King's finest, but it wasn't too bad. The whole shitweasel thing was rather unpleasant (think chestburster from Alien, but out of your ass). But the basic story was about childhood friends who have grown up and have to face some sort of horror, which usually makes for King's best work (It, The Body/Stand By Me).

The movie had quite a lot going for it. The cast includes Morgan Freeman, who I believe is this generation's finest actor. Also, Damien Lewis is in it. I thought he was great in Band of Brothers.

The screenplay was written by William Goldman, who is one of the finest screenwriters in the business. He's written Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid, The Stepford Wives, All the President's Men, Marathon Man (he also wrote the novel), and The Princess Bride (he wrote the novel for this one too, one of my favorites).

Dreamcatcher was directed by Lawrence Kasdan, who has directed such movies as The Big Chill, Silverado, and The Accidental Tourist. He also has writing credits on Star Wars Episodes V and VI (Empire and Jedi), and Raiders of the Lost Ark.

I just don't understand how so many talented people could get together and produce such a craptastic film.

FROM MISTER HAND:

From: SJ Dunlop, Reston, VA

In response to your recent posting about theater-going pet peeves, you quote a suggestion to "attend the matinees. If it is not a children's movie... the behavior of the audience is much better." Sorry. I'm here to testify that won't work either. Now that my husband and I are both retired, we now see almost everything at afternoon showings. It's not the kids who are driving us nuts, it's the folks our age or older who bubble and squeak aloud to each other throughout entire movies.

At ALL of the last five or six new releases we have seen at lightly attended weekday showings -- and we're talking about movies aimed at grown-ups like "The Three Burials" -- it's been the adult chatterers who have gotten on my proverbial last nerve. I'm tempted to try something desperate like making up my own flyers to hand out in movies to the effect that "You are not at home in your own living room. This is a Non-Talking Performance and yes, that means you." We are seriously talking about giving up on theater-going and just waiting for the videos like we used to do when we are working. Why won't theater owners get serious about this problem? Those silly little pre-show pleadings on the screen obviously don't help.

FROM MISTER HAND:

IGN gives their list of the top ten worst game controllers.

I remember the one pictured at right. I wanted it. I wanted it bad. I wanted to be that kid. I hated that kid. He had one and I didn't. He was an evil kid. I wanted him dead because he had the glove controller and I didn't. Look at him. He's so smug.

FROM MISTER HAND:

FROM MISTER HAND:

First of all, I didn't think X-Men 2 was all that great. But I loved the first X-Men.

X-Men 3 has got a new director and a hella rushed production schedule. But is it doomed?

You be the judge!

FROM SARAH:

THE WIGGLES are four men from Sydney, Australia. Three of them were in early childhood education classes together. One of the three was in a band called The Cockroaches. He enlisted one of his bandmates and made a foursome called The Wiggles who decided to make childrens music and television shows. They have a touring band too, which I understand is huge with the soccer mom crowd.

I know Kemp says that they are evil, but they sing and dance a lot, so the kids love them. There is also a character that is a pirate (Captain Feathersword) a big dog named Wags, Henry the Octopus and a Dinosaur so how could a little kid resist? My kids even dance along with them.

Besides the rose eating dinosaur, they also talk about animals a lot, and being from Down Under, the kids learn about animals that we don't talk about every day like emus and wombats.

They also have that Ramone's vibe about them because their names are Jeff Wiggle, Anthony Wiggle, Murray Wiggle and Greg Wiggle, but you can always just call them by the color of their shirt if you can't remember who is who. For example "I think the red Wiggle is the creepiest" or "The purple Wiggle looks pretty gay to me".

Admittedly, we've only been really watching "The Wiggles" for about a week, so they haven't had time to grate on my nerves yet. Plus, I thought the pirate was a nice tie in to our theme (if you can call it that) here.

I'd say check it out if you have kids. I believe I TiVO it off of Nick Jr. but beware, they are a merchandising machine. If your kids like it, you may have to buy four doofy action figuresand ten Wiggles albums. You can sample their music here.

WARNING: That "Move Like and Emu" crap will get stuck in your head for days.

From Meatbag:

The Academy Award Nominations are in. Lots of small independent films nominated this year. I think I've seen as many of the films under BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE as I have in any other category. I'll be pulling for "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" for best original song (gotta support the local talent).

BEST MOTION PICTURE OF THE YEAR
Brokeback Mountain
Capote
Crash
Good Night, and Good Luck.
Munich

ACHIEVEMENT IN DIRECTING
Brokeback Mountain
Capote
Crash
Good Night, and Good Luck.
Munich

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Capote
Terrence Howard - Hustle & Flow
Heath Ledger - Brokeback Mountain
Joaquin Phoenix - Walk the Line
David Strathairn - Good Night, and Good Luck.

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
George Clooney - Syriana
Matt Dillon - Crash
Paul Giamatti - Cinderella Man
Jake Gyllenhaal - Brokeback Mountain
William Hurt - A History of Violence

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE
Judi Dench - Mrs. Henderson Presents
Felicity Huffman - Transamerica
Keira Knightley - Pride & Prejudice
Charlize Theron - North Country
Reese Witherspoon - Walk the Line

PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Amy Adams - Junebug
Catherine Keener - Capote
Frances McDormand - North Country
Rachel Weisz - The Constant Gardener
Michelle Williams - Brokeback Mountain

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM OF THE YEAR
Howl's Moving Castle
Tim Burton's Corpse Bride
Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit

ACHIEVEMENT IN ART DIRECTION
Good Night, and Good Luck.
Harry Potter and the Goblet Of Fire
King Kong
Memoirs of a Geisha
Pride & Prejudice

ACHIEVEMENT IN CINEMATOGRAPHY
Batman Begins
Brokeback Mountain
Good Night, and Good Luck.
Memoirs of a Geisha
The New World

ACHIEVEMENT IN COSTUME DESIGN
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Memoirs of a Geisha
Mrs. Henderson Presents
Pride & Prejudice
Walk the Line

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
Darwin's Nightmare
Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room
March of the Penguins
Murderball
Street Fight

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT
The Death of Kevin Carter: Casualty of the Bang Bang Club
God Sleeps in Rwanda
The Mushroom Club
A Note of Triumph: The Golden Age of Norman Corwin

ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM EDITING
Cinderella Man
The Constant Gardener
Crash
Munich
Walk the Line

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM OF THE YEAR
Don't Tell
Joyeux Noèl
Paradise Now
Sophie Scholl - The Final Days
Tsotsi

ACHIEVEMENT IN MAKEUP
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe
Cinderella Man
Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith

ACHIEVEMENT IN MUSIC WRITTEN FOR MOTION PICTURES (ORIGINAL SCORE)
Brokeback Mountain
The Constant Gardener
Memoirs of a Geisha
Munich
Pride & Prejudice

ACHIEVEMENT IN MUSIC WRITTEN FOR MOTION PICTURES (ORIGINAL SONG)
"In the Deep" - Crash
"It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" - Hustle & Flow
"Travelin' Thru" - Transamerica

BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM
Badgered
The Moon and the Son: An Imagined Conversation
The Mysterious Geographic Explorations of Jasper Morello
9
One Man Band

BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM
Ausreisser (The Runaway)
Cashback
The Last Farm
Our Time Is Up
Six Shooter

ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND EDITING
King Kong
Memoirs of a Geisha
War of the Worlds

ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND MIXING
The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe
King Kong
Memoirs of a Geisha
Walk the Line
War of the Worlds

ACHIEVEMENT IN VISUAL EFFECTS
The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe
King Kong
War of the Worlds

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Brokeback Mountain
Capote
The Constant Gardener
A History of Violence
Munich

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Crash
Good Night, and Good Luck.
Match Point
The Squid and the Whale
Syriana

FROM MISTER HAND: